So far in my series about being single in your 30s, I’ve talked about some of the good and bad aspects of being single (links to those posts are at the end). Today I want to talk about online dating, which to some may be good and to others it may be bad. I really don’t have much experience with it. I did try it a few years ago but it only lasted a couple of weeks. Most of the time I was just thinking:
“Let’s meet offline to lower the odds of me being turned off by your shoddy grammar and punctuation.”
Hahahahahaha! I’m sorry but I just can’t help myself. I need to be able to have an intelligent conversation, even if it’s via messaging, texting, etc., and if you can’t even form a correct sentence…it’s probably not going to work out. I am so NOT perfect, but seriously employ some proofreading before you send a message! Please figure out the difference between your and you’re or even there, their, and they’re. Okay I’m done venting. 🙂
Anyways, since I don’t have much experience with online dating, I am excited to welcome a guest post today by my good friend, Katy! I hope you can relate to her experiences in some way or another. She is pretty freaking awesome!
I am 31 years old and a single mother to a fun, spunky, beautiful 14 month old daughter. I was in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship with her father, and chose to give myself and my little lady a better life, free of his manipulations. It hasn’t been easy, but it has been worth every minute! My life is dedicated to giving her the best life possible and sucking up all of the memories I can with her.
Being single can have its ups and downs, so what happens when you decide to date online to see what’s out there? A lot of dating sites have a reputation of being hook up sites, and I have come to find that the majority of people, men to be more specific, are on dating sites for one thing only. They want to have sex with you. They say they are looking for their soul mate and they want a laid back girl with good morals and standards, but if you make it clear that you aren’t willing to give it up before you get to know them, chances are you will never meet.
Common misconceptions when it comes to dating:
We haven’t met and the fact that you asked means we probably never will. And no, you sending me a nude pic will not help you accomplish your goal. In fact, it will most likely confirm that we will not be meeting.
2.) Lazy dating is not okay.
Asking someone to come to your house or asking to come to theirs is lazy. Get pretty and take them out, show a little effort, and be respectful and courteous. Take the time to get to know this person because if you are looking for a long-term relationship, you will always remember your first date. Make it worth remembering
Check out this great article called, “6 Reasons Women Can’t Stand the Lazy Courtship.”
3) Kids don’t need to meet everyone you date.
If you have children, keep them out of your dating life. By all means tell the other person/people that you have children, but they should not be introduced to anyone until you know that you want that person to be in your life for a period of time. Things don’t always work out as planned but introducing your kids to someone you have only known for a couple of weeks is not a good idea. You don’t know that person yet yourself, so how are you sure they are someone who should be around your kids?
Check out this informative article called, “If courtship’s still fragile, don’t involve the children.”
I have encountered a few different types of men on this endeavor. The first was assuming that he was going to call the shots, but failed to actually have the ability to make any decisions. He knew that he wanted to drink and end up back at my place and did not care what the steps were to get there. This was my first experience with online dating, so I decided to give the whole thing a shot. We went for dinner and drinks, and he was very polite, but as the evening went on, he got more and more pushy. I ended the evening, thanked him for a good night, and never spoke to him again. My best friend told me, “One great thing about dating is that you don’t owe them anything” and she is right. I did not ask him to pay the tab, and I in no way indicated that he was going to get any kind of favors from me for doing so.
The second is a classic Stage 5 Clinger. We talked for about a week before meeting, and he invited me to come to his house (lazy dating). He clearly thought that since we had spoken on the phone prior to our “date” that things were going to get physical. He also had children that he wanted to introduce to me after meeting me just one time. Huge red flags!! This guy was definitely looking for someone to step in and complete his family, and I am definitely not the girl for that!
The third just wants to have sex. That’s all he talks about and all he wants to hear about. Him and I have not met, and we will never meet because of this.
I guess the most valuable lesson I have learned from online dating is that people will expect you to move faster than you want to. Whether that be to get you in bed or rush you to the altar, they will try to push your boundaries and being a single mom of a very young daughter, I will not budge. The person that is supposed to enrich our lives and add something special to our already amazing duo will respect that. Anyone who doesn’t is not the right person for us.
“Yes I am single. You’re gonna have to be amazing to change that.”